I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
