I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
