You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
