Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
