the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize