shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
