Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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