i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
