My balls are so social today.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
