CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
