just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
