Say something about gay babies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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