can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
