I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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