just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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