Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize