that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
