Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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