i think i have herpe
just one?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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