How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
