Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
