Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
did i just pee glitter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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