we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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