I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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