hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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