i think my mom watched the whole time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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