I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
