ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
