id be glad to
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
