She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
