Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
