When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
