I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize