I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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