I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
