It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
