Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize