Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
