also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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