the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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