i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
