the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
