It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is Oprah even human
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
