Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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