I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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