they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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