East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
