need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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