i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize