Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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