why didn't you poke me back
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize