Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize