I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sponge bath it is.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
