So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
