The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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