She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
