Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
