My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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