Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
