What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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