I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
