i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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