I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you win again, gameday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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