Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
