I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
