apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I want a musical about memes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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